Girl Talk over a Cup of Joe

Thanks to all of you who came out to Changing Hands Bookstore to hear the Writing for Children and Teens panel last night. Though I was scared witless before it began, the audience was so warm that I quickly felt like I was talking with friends. The lovely ladies at MomsZone asked if I would share a couple of writing tips with readers who couldn’t make it to the event last night:

“Just because you are a good swimmer, doesn’t mean you are going to the Olympics.”

Raw talent is only going to take you so far. Know your craft. Take classes, read free internet articles, go to conferences, or find a mentor in an experienced writer.

“You’ll never be the next J.K. Rowling if your manuscript never makes it out of your desk drawer.”

Put on your armor and show your manuscript to somebody. And your mom doesn’t count. Neither does your husband. Offer to read your picture book manuscript to your son’s kindergarten class. Seek out critique groups online or at a local library. Find a friend or friendly acquaintance and buddy up. Once you’ve had some few fresh eyes look at the piece and made some changes, send that puppy out!

“There’s a sucker born every minute.”

There are a lot of hungry writers out there. Unfortunately, there are unscrupulous people who pray on our need to get published. **If an editor or agent asks you to pay a “reading fee” or pay for book costs RUN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION.** Real agents only get paid when you get paid. Publishers take their cut on the books you sell. The one exception: At most SCBWI* conferences, individual critique sessions are available for an additional fee. These are legitimate and extremely helpful. Who knows, you might hear what I heard from an editor at the big SCBWI national conference in LA earlier this month: “This is fantastic! I want to see the rest of it.”  <fingers crossed>

“It’s just not good enough.”

Maybe. Maybe not. Certainly don’t put out half-baked work, but also know when it’s time to let your “baby” go. Take it to a critique group. Invest in a SCBWI critique. Send it out to a few editors and agents. Then WORK ON SOMETHING ELSE! I keep my very first attempt at a young adult manuscript around just to remind myself how far I’ve come. It is horribly painful to read, but it spurs me to keep trying harder and reaching farther.

*SCBWI=Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators

                        www.scbwi.org

Look for our awesome Arizona chapter of SCBWI on their site.

YOU REALLY THINK SUMMER IS OVER?

            Raise your hand if:

• Your children are far exceeding the daily one-hour maximum TV/computer/videogame limit your pediatrician recommends.
• Your kids complain they have “no toys to play with” even though they have a whole room full of them.
• You’ve threatened to give your children’s toys away because “you never play with them”.
• Your kids have been sent to their rooms once already today for fighting with each other, and it isn’t even noon yet.
• You are secretly counting down the days until school starts.
• You are already planning a “We’ve made it through another summer vacation” bash with another mommy friend on the first day back to school.

The good news is that for many, summer vacation is already over or will be over in the next week or so. The bad news is that the summer part of that equation is far from being over. For those of you who have just moved to the Valley of the Sun, you are in for a long wait for summer to end. The temperature doesn’t break until October. So how are you going to keep cool for the next three months? Have you already tried these three Valley favorites?

Scottsdale Drive-In Theatre

http://www.drive-ins.com/theater/aztscot

Yes, it’s outside. By 7 p.m. though, it’s usually safe to come outdoors again. What a steal! Adults are $6.50 and kids are $1. You get 2 first-run movies. If you are on a tight budget, you can even bring your own snacks and drinks from home. We spend many Saturdays during the summer at the drive-in. It’s worth the gas for sure! **Only cash is accepted, so stop at the ATM before you get there.**

Kiwanis Wave Pool

http://www.tempe.gov/pools/KiwanisWavePool/

Even if you have a pool in your own backyard, travel over to Tempe to their indoor wave pool. Between fighting the waves, paddling during the downtimes, and going down the slide, your kids are sure to wear themselves out. Warning: Though the zero-entry is fine during calm times, once the waves are turned on it can be over-whelming for small children.

Tempe Library

http://www.tempe.gov/youthlibrary/activities/

I LOVE the Tempe Library. I just wish I lived closer to it. They have a fantastic children’s area that is away from the adult section (which is great if your kids have a hard time using their “Inside Voices”). It is easy to spend hours in there lounging on the couches, playing with toys, doing puzzles, playing games on the computer, and of course READING book after book from their awesome picture book section. Older kids can duck down to the other end, curl up in a comfy chair, and let Harry Potter take them away for a while. The Tempe Library also offers fantastic classes and activities for free or nominal fees throughout the year. You don’t even have to be a Tempe resident to enjoy all the perks.

Hang in there new AZ mommies! The heat will be over soon-ish. And in case you are wondering, I answered “yes” to all the questions in the opener. Once both kids are back in school, I’m planning a relaxing mani/pedi session followed by a leisurely lunch at the Phoenician with a friend. I might even do a little scrapbooking because, darn it, I deserve it! Who’s with me?!?

Is it just me or do you find it weird that retailers in Arizona still put out “fall clothes” the day after July 4th even though Arizona’s summers don’t end until early November (if we’re lucky!)? My kids groaned when I announced on July 5th in the middle of Target, “That’s it, kids. Summer is now officially over. The Halloween season starts next week.” But the sad thing is, there was a kernel of truth in there. We already received a LONG list of school supplies Andy (who starts in late July) needs for school. Katie is already rubbing it in that she doesn’t start school until mid-August. That’s okay, I’m sure Andy will return the favor when he gets two weeks of vacation in the Spring and Fall compared to Katie’s one week. In the meantime, it got me to thinking…Knowing what I know now, if I was heading off to college this August, would I have taken the same path? Honestly, probably not. I’d keep my minor in Dance (it fed me there for a while), but maybe I should have majored in English or Communications? Maybe I should have majored in Public Relations instead of Public Health? I’d like to get a Master’s degree at some point in my life. Right now isn’t the right ”season” for me, even if I had the extra tuition money sitting about. What about you? Is it the right “season” in your life to go back to school?

Moms going back to school/work seems to be a hot topic in my Mommy circle lately. So much so, that I have an article about it in this month’s Raising Arizona Kids. http://www.raisingarizonakids.com/index.php?page=0807_contents

Moms–Julie, Kate, and Maya–give their 2-cents about balancing family and school. And of course, I always have to give my 2-cents on the issue. This time: How not to be totally ignored by your teen/20-something classmates like I was first semester.

Stay cool!

Is it just me or do you sometimes feel like you’re on a giant hamster wheel running through life? It’s ironic that I have to go half-way around the world to the land of Hamtaro (Japan’s favorite hamster) just to get off my own wheel. In Japan, I am able to boil down my life into its simplest essence. There are only three things I need to do each day:

1. Feed my children.
2. Make sure they have clean clothes.
3. Entertain/Educate my kids so they won’t play Nintendo DS all day.

That’s it. Everything else, not important. And, wow, am I doing an excellent job! My hardest decision each day is “What am I going to make for dinner?” It’s made easier by family and friends. My in-law’s garden is over-flowing with vegetables right now—cucumbers, tomatoes, potatoes, onions, eggplants. Vegetable group—Check! It’s also the summer gift-giving season in Japan, and my father-in-law frequently receives melons, grapes, and my favorite, cherries, as presents. Fruit group—Check! O-chan, as we call my father-in-law, always lets the kids open the packages. They are usually excited by the contents—fruit, Jell-O-type desserts, cookies, seaweed. Every once in a while, O-chan gets dried mushrooms, coffee, cooking oil or even laundry detergent (!), and the kids are disappointed. There is a bread store just down the street in this tiny, rural village. On a good day, the wind blows fresh-baked bread smells our way. Yum. And my mother-in-law always makes a large pot of rice each day. Starch group—Check! There are huge amounts of fresh seafood available here, but my kids wouldn’t eat it even if I had the foggiest idea how to cook the darn things. That said, my kids have never met a battered, deep-fried, giant shrimp that they could pass up. Meat group—Check!

At home, I try to work out at least three times a week. Here I don’t have access to a gym, but I think I’m getting enough of a workout just doing laundry. Like most households in Japan, my in-laws don’t have a dryer. Which means I have to hang the laundry and take it down. And with only the few outfits we brought with us, I’m doing laundry A LOT. Up and down and bend and twist! We sleep on futons, so each night we drag the layers out and each morning we fold them up and put them away. I think that counts as aerobic exercise too.

The entertain/educate part comes pretty easily. Both of my in-laws are retired teachers, so there is no way that my kids can get out of their homeschool lessons. Six days a week, my kids get “O-chan’s Lesson” [writing in Japanese and some extra math]. Andy in particular is less than thrilled; but, by golly, he’s going to make an “A” in math this fall. But O-chan isn’t a total task-master. In the afternoons he takes us to different parks to catch butterflies, play in streams, and just run around like crazy people. At the end of the day after dinner and baths, the kids can’t wait to get into their futons. The first half of our trip, we read Rick Riordan’s THE LIGHTNING THIEF [a fantastic “boy” book, filled with Greek mythology characters]. Though we hated for the book to end, we’ve found a new way to make the bedtime prep go faster: Watching the first season of WONDER WOMAN on DVD. This also doubles as educational TV in my book because it’s set during WWII—the Axis Powers, the Allies, Berlin, Nazis, President Roosevelt…I’ve had to explain all of these.

Soon I’ll be coming home and that hamster wheel will be waiting for me. I know at some point I’m going to have to put my other hats back on and rejoin some activities that I left behind. But I hope to bring some of the peace I have here in Japan back with me too. I can live a busy, fulfilling life without it being an over-committed, over-burdened one. I just have to boil life back down to its essence each summer and reset my priorities.

Hope you all are staying cool!

P.S. Why I deserve hazard pay….One of my son’s favorite things about Japan is his unusual pet collection. Our entrance is filled at different times with butterflies, grasshoppers, small and large frogs, tadpoles, small beetles, and Andy’s favorite, the big, honkin’ kabutomushi (or rhinoceros beetle). These beetles are slightly smaller than my mp3 player! We have three of these things currently, plus 2 of their only slightly smaller cousins. Not a problem until they SNEAK OUT OF THE CAGE! One pulled a Harry Houdini in the house and a second one my mother-in-law caught crawling across the living room towards freedom. YIKES! To remind him of his beetle pets (which I assured Andy would NOT be allowed through Customs), Andy bought a very realistic-looking plastic one to bring home. Which is fine until your daughter puts it on your futon and you suddenly wonder if it is the missing Harry Houdinibug. AAGGGGHHH! I really deserve hazard pay. Or at least a mani/pedi.

Ah, Father’s Day. That time of year when you try to come up with the greatest gift ever to give your dad, your husband’s dad (you don’t actually expect your husband to do this, do you?), and your husband. If you are like me, it’s a very trying time of the year. What they’d really like (i.e., a big screen TV) is out of our budget. What will work inside our budget really isn’t worth having (i.e., dancing/singing robotic hamsters). Moms are so much easier to buy for! For example, the two tickets to the Duran Duran concert in Phoenix last month was the perfect Mother’s Day gift. Thanks, Honey!

So again this year, and at the risk of sounding totally cheap, my dad and Toshi’s dad are getting the gift of time. As in, the kids and I are schlepping halfway around the world to Japan to spend a month with my in-laws, coming home for about two weeks, and then getting back on a plane and heading to Virginia to visit my parents. Of course, the granddads will be getting homemade cards from the grandkids, but the big gift is getting to spend time with their grandchildren. My dad doesn’t fly, and flying overseas is taxing on my father-in-law’s health. So the only other option is for the mountain(s) to come to Mohammed. Each year (and each gas hike), our annual trip gets harder and harder financially to make, but we still do it. For anyone who has lost someone unexpectedly, you’ll understand my need to make the most of every minute. In the end, it’s worth the crack-of-dawn flights, long layovers, killer jet lag, and petty annoyances that come with air travel. The giant smiles on my dad’s and father-in-law’s faces while hugging their two favorite Munchkins are well worth the effort.

For once, I even have a good Father’s Day gift for my husband, Toshi. Actually, it is a combined Father’s Day/40^th Birthday gift—a short trip to Beijing, which is only a 2-hour flight from Osaka over the Sea of Japan. Okay, so Toshi came up with the present idea (the Duran Duran tickets were my idea, after all). And he made all the travel arrangements for us. And he’s done all the research on where to go and what to see. It’s a gift made to order. Toshi is so excited about visiting China that he can’t wait for his present to begin. It’s turning out to be the best Father’s Day/Birthday gift ever. No stupid novelty tie involved!

This year, when you are trying to find the perfect gift for the father of your children, step away from the dancing hamsters, cheap cologne, and cartoon-character boxer shorts. They don’t want that. Trust me. Instead, ask Dad what he really wants. Two tickets to the Diamondbacks’ game and enough spending cash for hotdogs and beer for Dad and a buddy? A family jammie day at home featuring an Indiana Jones marathon? For a babysitter to come over for the afternoon/overnight/all weekend so Dad can have some uninterrupted time with Mom? Or maybe just a stress-free day to himself, to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants?

In case your guy isn’t good at telling you what he wants, feel free to use this threat: “If you don’t give me any suggestions, you are getting socks and underwear!” That usually cures them.

Happy Father’s Day, Moms’ Zone readers! Give all the great dads in your life a big hug.

Looking for something to do this summer with the kids? Then try this summer favorite:

Local Harkins Theatres are doing a summer movie session. Ten shows for $7. Even if they are movies that you already own, it’s nice to have something to get the kids up and going on a lazy summer morning. Want to see what is playing in the Phoenix-metro area? Go to:

I usually buy passes for the Harkins in Chandler. After our movie, we head over to the mall to have lunch and do some window shopping at Build-a-bear, Yankee Candle, Claire’s Boutique, Barnes and Noble, etc. It’s a great way to get a little exercise, beat the heat, and “unplug” your children for a while. And, okay, I won’t tell if you want to squeeze in a little nap during the movie.

Happy (Early) Mother’s Day, Moms’ Zone Moms!

For all you moms out there baking three dozen cupcakes for your child’s class after getting three hours of sleep last night, this is for you! And for all you moms who would put the Betty Crocker mixes back in the pantry and made a run to the Costco bakery so you could come home and take a power nap. You rock too! When I get to whining too much about our busy family life and my perfectionist attitude about things, my sister likes to remind me, “You know, Sara, a B-minus is okay too.” And often, when I need to figure out how to take my unattainable A-plus ideas and convert them into more realistic B-minus ideas, I head to the rocking chair in my bedroom. It used to be in my children’s nursery when we lived in New Jersey. But when we moved to Arizona and it was time for my then 2-year-old son to get a “big boy” room, I just couldn’t part with the rocking chair. It will always represent a place where I nourished my children’s minds, bodies, and souls. I nursed my children there. I rocked sick babies for hours on end there. I read hundreds of stories to my kids there. My children don’t need the rocking chair anymore, but I sure do. Now it has become a place where I nourish my own mind, body, and soul. It’s a place I retreat to when things get too harried. It’s also an interior designer’s nightmare. It clashes with my decor, has spit-up stains on it, and frequently has a thick layer of cat hair on it (which usually ends up on my butt). But I love it and can’t bear to part with it quite yet.

This Mother’s Day, go retreat to your own Mommy oasis. Maybe it’s on the swing by the pool with a glass of wine in hand. Or in the corner of the basement with your headphones on and a big pile of scrapbooking goodies to play with. Or a relaxing, candle-lit bubble bath (because most of us are lucky to get more than a 3-minute shower most days). Whatever nourishes you, go for it this Mother’s Day!**

**For my mommy friends who get really annoyed that Mother’s Day means spending the day doing whatever your mother-in-law wants, who said you had to celebrate on the same day? Tell your hubby that you want a separate day.**

SHAMELESS PLUG TIME……..For anyone who wants to give a special mom (yours or someone else’s) something unique this Mother’s Day, may I suggest the latest installment of the Chicken Soup series, Chicken Soup for the Soul: A Tribute to Moms. If you go to page 148, you’ll find my essay “The Rocking Chair” featured among tons of other uplifting stories about moms.

Are you a Helicopter Mom or a Free-Range Mom? If you think I’m referring to aircraft and poultry-friendly products, go read this recent article at Newsweek.com “Are Modern Kids Coddled?” http://www.newsweek.com/id/133103?GT1=43002 Actually, even if you do know what this parenting lingo means, go read the article anyway. It’s definitely thought-provoking and something to discuss with all your mommy friends. I know I have.

I fall closer to the Helicopter Mom side. And the article in Newsweek nails the reason: If something ever happened to my kids because I was too busy on my computer, folding laundry, chatting with a friend on the phone, I would never forgive myself. “Not on my watch!” And, yes, I am the mom who sits outside in the driveway while my kids ride their bikes up and down the street. And, no, my son doesn’t go into a public men’s room without his dad. But here’s the thing…for every mom out there who is shaking her head and thinking I am a coddling, helicopter mom, there is another mom nodding and saying “Amen to that, sister!” And she’s probably the one sitting in her driveway giving speeders the hairy eyeball while her kids and yours are outside.

I know that I have to let go at some point, and I am taking baby steps in that direction. My kids can play in the backyard (which is fenced in) any time they want. My excuse for not letting them play unattended out front: They might get run over. A couple of years ago, we had a car full of teenage boys speed through our neighborhood, lose control, and miss crashing into my house by less than five feet. My neighbor’s tree—which was snapped in two by the force—was the only thing to keep them from plowing into my house. Thank God, none of the neighborhood kids were out at the time. 

As tempting as it might be to keep my children at an arm’s-length at all times, I am gradually increasing our space. I’ve let my almost 10-year-old stay inside the locked house with my cell phone number near by while I took her brother (and my cell phone) down the greenbelt to the neighborhood park for thirty minutes. I even let Katie go to Girl Scout camp up in Prescott by chartered bus for four days last summer. But my biggest mommy challenge is coming later this month: The class trip—five days on Catalina Island in California without me or Toshi. Katie will go by van, then plane, then bus, then boat from Mesa to Catalina Island. She will spend five days with her teachers and classmates doing oceanography, hiking, and a high-ropes course. Helicopter Moms, feel free to gasp here. I feel light-headed just writing it, but I know that Katie needs to go. We would kick ourselves later if she didn’t. I know Katie has the inner strength to do this, but she may have to dig deep for some courage. Meanwhile, I’ll be digging deep at home and struggling to “Let go, and let God” and most likely hovering even closer to my 7-year-old son Andy.

What about you? Are you a Helicopter Mom or a Free-Range Mom or somewhere in between?

It’s been one of those days. It’s raining. Your hose have a run in them. Traffic was terrible thanks to the weather, so now you’re late. Your child is in a mood. The last place you really want to be tonight is at a PTO meeting. And you wouldn’t be if your child hadn’t volunteered you to bring refreshments. So you burst through the door, with an umbrella in one hand and a cake balanced precariously in the other. All eyes are on you as you step in a puddle and do a spectacular splat into the middle of the floor, the cake smashing beside you. What do you do?

A.  Burst into tears.

B. Burst into an expletive-filled tirade that has other people covering your child’s ears.

C.  Crawl back out the door and never attend another PTO meeting for the rest of your child’s educational career.

D.  Stand up, take a bow, and announce loudly. “Thank you! I’ll be here all week. Now, who wants upside down cake?”

Honestly, my gut response is C, but I’m inching towards D with maybe a pinch of A thrown in. I have embarrassing stories for most occasions, and routinely trot them out when one of my children has a big public oops. I’ll give them a reassuring hug, maybe wipe away a few tears, and say, “You think that was bad, let me tell you about the time….” For example:

Flub up during a performance—“Let me tell you about the time that my toe got tangled in my billowy pants during the Teachers’ Dance number of our recital. My pants fell down, and I almost fell off the stage trying to get my pants back up. Thankfully, I had a unitard on underneath.”

Trip and drop your books—“Let me tell you about the time I was taking the short cut across the busiest place on UNC’s campus. Because I was wearing my late-80s skinny jeans, I didn’t quite get my leg hiked up high enough when trying to get over the short chain fence. My size-10 foot got hung up, and I did a spectacular, butt-busting crash. My armful of books went flying everywhere.”

If things are really desperate, I’ll even borrow some from my family. For example, the time my sister took out an entire book display with her purse. As she bent down to pick up the books, she hit a second display in the process, doubling the mess. And you thought people only did that in really corny movies.

I think teaching your kids how to laugh at themselves is a good skill. Having them see you in a less than perfect moment is reassuring too. Yes, adults do make mistakes. But even though I may have some spectacular flubs and “My bad”s under my belt, I take comfort in knowing that my flubs pale in comparison to some celebrities’. Yes, I’ve gone out of the house with mis-matched socks, spit up down the back of my shirt, and stickers stuck to my butt, but at least I’ve never left the house without my underwear, much less repeatedly.