Help! My Baby Came Without Instructions

The Manly Art of Baby Care   

            There is nothing sweeter than seeing a new Dad and his baby. In this day and age, fathers play a much more active role with their babies than ever before. Years ago the husband took his laboring wife to the hospital and she was whisked away to deliver their baby while he was left pacing in the waiting room until the nurse came to tell him he had a new boy or girl! Not so today…men become involved in the birthing process the minute the little blue line says Pregnant!  These days extended families are few and far between. Grandma doesn’t live around the block anymore to help or give advice.  Most new parents are left on their own.

            But what could be better than being an actively involved new Dad! Doing everything from diapering, feeding, bathing, and their favorite thing, playing!

            Sometimes new Dads are a little awkward and scared at first. After all, they have never done this before. Their new little bundle is so tiny and they are so big. With a little help from mom and a few how-to tips….Dad will be a Pro before he knows it!

The following tips will help any new Dad learn the ropes of baby care.

• Don’t be afraid to hold your tiny baby. Pretend you are gently cradling a football. Those big, strong but gentle hands make baby feel secure.

• There is nothing more comforting than the sound of the beating heart. So hold your baby close to your heart.

• During diaper changing, if your baby is four months or older, give him something to hold. Those little hands are quicker than you think and you don’t want him grabbing things down south.

• Remember to keep the baby’s diaper area covered when you are changing him. And keep your face at a distance. The law of gravity and a little boy’s aim will have you sprinkled in an instant!

• If you are going to give baby a bath, make sure to have everything you need before you place him in the water. Make a check-list for yourself; washcloth, towel, shampoo, diaper, clothes, and anything else you might need. And NEVER, EVER LEAVE THE BABY UNATTENDED. If the phone or doorbell rings, forget about it until you are finished bathing the baby. Nothing is more important than your baby’s safety.

• Don’t be appalled if your baby urinates in the bath. This is very normal as warm water is the perfect catalyst for total relaxation. Kind of like being back in the womb.

• If you are going to use powder, shake it in your hand then gently rub it on the baby. Never shake powder or anything else directly on the baby.

• If you’re not sure what to do in a situation with your baby, (feeding, burping, etc.), don’t be afraid to ask. Babies don’t come with instructions.

• When you’re out with your guy friends, ask them about their experiences with their babies. You don’t have to hug or call it a men’s group…just a guy’s night out. And they may share some tips you never thought of.

• Don’t be afraid to take your baby on an outing. Babies are very portable. It’s great stimulation and think of all the attention you’ll get!

• If you have to do errands with the baby, don’t plan too many stops. Things always seem to take longer when there is a baby involved.

• Don’t forget to take the baby bag when you go out. Packed with a change of clothes, diapers, wipes, bottles, formula, burp cloths, toys and an extra shirt for you, just in case!

• If you are on a tight schedule, make sure to leave some wiggle room for an unexpected diaper change or extra feeding.

• If you are on carpool duty and your baby is sick, please don’t take him to school Tylenol wears off in four hours and you will get that dreaded phone call to come and get him. Save yourself the aggravation and the fight with your wife. Keep him home. Meetings can always be re-scheduled.

• If your baby is having a cranky day and you are too, ask to be relieved from baby duty.  If you can’t find someone to help, put him in the stroller or pack, go outside and take some deep breaths until you feel better.  There is nothing wrong with taking a break.

• If a medical issue arises, calmly call the pediatrician. Babies are sturdier than you think.

• Don’t be afraid to act silly. Sing songs, dance, play games. The sillier the better. Your baby will love it and so will you!

• Please take good care of yourself. Being a healthy Daddy is the greatest gift you can give your family.

And most of all, be proud of your new role as a Dad. Marvel at this wonderful miracle you’ve created and take the time to enjoy each minute. Babies grow up fast and before you know it, the bus will be pulling up to take your “baby” to Kindergarten.

Happy Father’s Day!

“Why are you crying?” he asked his mother. 

“Because I’m a mother,” she told him. 

“I don’t understand.” 

His mother just hugged him and said, “You never will!”

Later the little boy asked his father why his mommy seemed to be crying for no reason.
“All mothers cry for no reason,” was all his father could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why mothers cry. So he finally put in a call to God, and when God got on the phone, the man said, “God, why do mothers cry so easily?”

“You see, son,” replied God, “when I made mothers, they had to be special. I made their shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort. I gave them an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from their children.

“I gave them a hardiness that allows them to keep going when everyone else gives up, and to take care of their families through sickness and fatigue without complaining. I gave them the sensitivity to love their children under all circumstances, even when their child has hurt them very badly. This same sensitivity helps them to make a child’s boo-boo feel better and helps them share a teenager’s anxieties and fears.

“And I gave them a tear to shed. It’s theirs exclusively to use whenever it’s needed. It’s a tear for mankind.”

-Author unknown
So when you see Mom with tears in her eyes, give her a big hug of appreciation for all her love, caring and strength. Wishing all the Wonderful Mothers in the World a Very Happy Mother’s Day!!
                           Love,

                           Blythe

Comparing is a favorite pastime for new moms, dads, grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles and almost anybody that has a baby. It seems everyone is an authority. They all “know” when the baby should sit up, when they should start eating cereal, sleeping through the night, first smile, coo, da da, etc. etc. And what about all the baby books that outline baby’s progress minute by minute! Why all the comparisons? All parents think their babies are geniuses and will grow up to be the valedictorian at Harvard (not a bad idea).

While all these comparisons seem harmless, they sometimes make new mothers and fathers worry unnecessarily about their baby’s progress. For a new parent this can be overwhelming. It is so difficult not to compare your baby’s progress and growth to your friends’ babies with all this advice bombarding you. The truth is (and you already know this, but forgot) that each baby is wonderful and different and will progress at their own rate. No two babies will do things exactly alike. They do all these things when they are ready and not one minute before (even if Aunt Fannie’s son Lester did get his first tooth at three months old!) As long as your baby is healthy and has lots of smiles, relax and enjoy each minute with your new bundle of joy. When you do find yourself comparing (and every new parent does it), here are some important things for you to remember and do:

• Simply watch your baby smile, pure joy.
• Enjoy watching your baby sleeping peacefully.
• Sing a song and play with her.
• Look in the mirror and see your ”new mom” happiness.
• If a “comparison braggart” calls on the phone, try and nicely end the conversation and immediately do the first four things on this list above.
• If you are at the mall with your baby and a “comparison braggart” comes along, you might want to pretend your cell phone is vibrating and politely excuse yourself and walk away.
• If you are talking to Grandma or any other relative on the phone, and comparisons are making your phone lines sizzle, say, “I am really sorry, but someone is at my door, I have to hang up.”
• If you are truly worried about your baby’s development, don’t hesitate to voice your fears to your pediatrician.
• If you must look at the comparison charts in your baby books, please take them all with a grain of salt. Again, remember, all babies are different. The figures in these charts just represent an average.
• If you still wonder if your baby is lagging a bit behind in some area of development, put both you and your baby in front of a mirror and enjoy the beautiful sight.
• If daddy starts comparing, (after you throw something at him) take him, the baby and yourself to the mirror. Have a group hug and marvel at this miracle you created.

Wow! you’re the first one on the block to be a new Grandma. None of your friends have been treated to this joy yet. You watched as your daughter-in-law’s belly got bigger and bigger. Every time you saw your son you did a double-take and secretly thought, “How can my baby be having a baby?” Well, the day has finally come and you are at the hospital, walking down the hall to meet your new granddaughter for the first time, you are so excited you don’t know what to do. Here are some tips to keep your feet on the floor and not in your mouth.

• Don’t walk into the hospital room and ask how your son is. Your daughter-in-law just did all the work. Okay, your son was there helping and nervous, but don’t downplay who really was in labor!  
• Don’t, under any circumstances say, “the baby looks just like his daddy.” Chances are, if the baby is just a few hours old or less, he doesn’t really look like anyone. And if he does look exactly like your son, keep it to yourself or ask your daughter-in-law who she thinks the baby looks like. New Moms, especially right after delivery are sometimes extra sensitive. Be gentle. Giving birth is hard work and very exhausting.
  
• Don’t pull your son’s baby picture out of your pocketbook to show everyone. Just “ooh and ahh” like the rest of the room without offering too many opinions. While this is a special day for you, it is your son and daughter-in-law’s day to be proud, too.
• Don’t ask your children if they decided to name the baby after you. It’s not your decision. But it is your decision to decide what your grandchild will call you.
  
• Don’t start telling your daughter-in-law which days you are coming over to help with the baby. She hasn’t even been a mother for a day and already you are planning her life.  
• Don’t hog the baby. Let the other grandma have a holding turn, too.
• Don’t tell your children what to do. Hold your tongue when you don’t agree with your children’s decisions concerning the baby. You had your turn, they are the parents.  
• Don’t plan to stay in the hospital all day. A few short visits are much more manageable.

• Do bring your children a special gift as well as the baby. Without them, this miracle wouldn’t have happened.  
• Do give your daughter-in-law a big hug and tell her how proud you are of her. Delivering a baby is no picnic, remember?
• Do ask your daughter-in-law if you can bring her anything special in the hospital.
• Do make a surprise visit with a banana split for your daughter-in-law if she has to stay in the hospital more than two days What a special treat!
• Do bring your camera and ask your children if you can take pictures. You can never start that Grandma Brag Book too soon.
  
• Do tell your daughter-in-law you will be happy to help her with anything she needs-but wait to be asked.
• Do tell her she will be the “Best Mother in the World.” Sometimes new moms get really scared and insecure. Knowing that you think she will be the best will make her heart smile.
• Do celebrate yourself…..Wow! You are a New Grandma, What Could Be Better! (My use of daughter-in-law is purely semantic and be applies to mothers and daughters as well)

There’s nothing better than having a new baby. She’s cute, cuddly and her smiles just melt your heart. You love being a new daddy. But wait…something’s different! Where oh where is your wife? Where is the one you love and why can’t the two of you find time for each other?  The following tips will provide some fun and easy ways to find the time and energy to nurture your relationship.

Things to do for Her:

• Go to the florist and order flowers to be sent to your wife once a month. Fill out the cards in advance putting the date on each card to go with the flowers. What a way to keep the romance alive!
• Stock up on those special romance cards. When the mood strikes you, write your honey a loving message and hide it in a funny place, behind the breast pump, in the laundry basket, even in the refrigerator!
• If your schedule permits, come home at lunch-time with food from her favorite restaurant. If the baby is awake, put her in the swing or bouncy and enjoy your gourmet meal.
• Make your honey a coupon that says you will get up with the baby one night a week. And she gets to pick the night!
• Make the after dinner clean-up your job from now on.
• Offer to do the last feeding before bed-time. A great way to bond with your baby and a little extra sleep for your tired honey!
• Bring her home a box of chocolates for no other reason than to tell her you love her!
• And the best gift of all is to watch the baby while she takes a nap. A rested wife is a happy wife!

Things to do for him:

• When you are at the grocery store, stock up on those funny romance cards. Hide them in funny places when he is least expecting it.
• Call ahead and ask if your honey will be at the office during lunch and if he has any meetings scheduled. If all is clear, have lunch delivered from his favorite restaurant.
• Call a friend to watch the baby for a couple of hours take your honey to a surprise restaurant for lunch. If the weather is great, pack a picnic and go to the park, just the two of you.
• Buy him a ticket to that sporting event he’s been talking about.
• Put a tablecloth on the table, cloth napkins, candles and your best paper plates. Ask your honey to pick up Chinese food on his way home. Put the baby to bed, dim the lights, put on some music, light the candles and just enjoy your special dinner and each other.

• Try and comb your hair, put on a little lipstick and change that spit –up shirt before your hubby walks in. It will make you feel better and put a smile on his face too!

As nervous as you might be, ask Grandma to take care of the baby at her house for a night. Remember, she raised you. Then Surprise your honey with a special night for two. Here are some fun suggestions:  

• Go out to dinner at your favorite restaurant.
• Go to the movies.
• Rent a movie, make popcorn and hold hands while watching the flick.
• Meet your friends at a wine bar.
• Go to the mall and buy each other a special present for being new parents. No gifts for baby this time, it’s your night.
• Go to a dance club and dance the night away.
• Go to the ice cream shop and share a banana split. No worrying about those baby pounds tonight.
• Take a picnic to the park.
• Go to the bookstore and buy a book that’s not about babies.
• Just cuddle until you both fall asleep…for the Entire Night!

Wow, is the baby really here? Is this baby mine? I can’t believe it!!! While you waited nine long months for your baby to be born, you never really thought about how your life would be completely different. Even though all your friends told you how tired you would be, you never gave it much thought. When your friends told you that you would never have a minute to yourself, you thought, “I can’t wait to be a mother, who needs free time and if I want to go out, I will just take the baby with me.” Like anything else in life, until the actual moment comes you take everything with a grain of salt.

So, you haven’t taken a shower in two days, your shirt has spit-up on it, grandma had to go home, and make-up, what’s that? You have never been so tired in your life, but when your baby looks up and smiles your heart just melts. Here are some survival tips to make your transition to “real time mom” a little more manageable.

• Don’t forget to eat. You need your energy to take good care of your baby. Without fuel your car just won’t run!
• Try to stock up on healthy foods, soups, frozen gourmet meals, baked chicken, etc. If you have good food at your fingertips, chances are you will take better care of yourself.
• Plan a trip to the grocery store once a week without the baby; if possible. Buy lots of healthy fruits and vegetables. Wash them, put them in an attractive bowl in the refrigerator to have when that energy drain hits.
• If you can’t get to the grocery store alone, pick a time when you know the baby won’t need a feeding.
• When you go to the grocery store, buy yourself a special treat. A candy bar, gossip magazine, special food, something that is just a little indulgence and will make you feel good about taking care of yourself as well as your baby. A little self-pampering never hurt anyone!
• Even though you always did your own laundry, cleaned your own house, mowed your own lawn, don’t feel guilty about hiring a professional to help those first few months… sometimes you can’t do it all.
• Place bottled water for you around the house. It is very important to drink lots of fluids, especially if you are nursing. There is nothing more frustrating than sitting down to feed your baby and remembering you haven’t had anything to drink in hours.
• It’s a fact of life that you are going to be up all hours of the night feeding the baby (she doesn’t know what time it is). Try to make it fun. Turn on the comedy channel or rent some funny movies. There is nothing better than a good laugh to help you forget your fatigue.
• While everyone is very excited about meeting your new little bundle, don’t be afraid to say, “No visitors today.” Wait until you are ready to handle more than just you and your baby. Waiting a week or two for the introduction won’t matter a bit. Say, “thank you, I can’t wait for you to meet Lucy, but today just won’t work. I will call you soon.” And don’t feel guilty, you are not obligated to anyone except yourself, your baby and your husband.
• While Grandma is well-meaning and wants to be there to help you every second, establish some ground rules for visiting and hanging out from the very beginning. It will help ease any hard feelings that may come up. Be nice and let her know you understand how excited she is, but you need some time to ease into your new routine.
• If your message to Grandma does cause hard feelings, let your husband talk to her. Sometimes children have a better way of getting mom to understand as they lived with her their whole lives.
• Remember these words…”yes, thank you so much, you’re such a great friend!” These are the words you will use when a friend asks you if they can pick up your dry cleaning, get you a few things at the grocery store, and return your movies. If someone offers to help, throw away your “Super Mom Suit” and take them up on it. True friends help each other and chances are you would do the same for them.
• Lastly, sometimes a good cry is all you need. Give in to those tears. Transitioning into motherhood isn’t easy. Get out the tissue box, and let those tears flow. I promise you will feel better.

© Blythe Lipman Help! My Baby Came Without Instructions www.babyinstructions.com

It’s 2007, the holidays are upon us and you have a new baby, Congratulations! What could be more wonderful!! While it’s great to share all the joy and welcome a new baby, the holidays can be a little un-nerving for any new Mommy and Daddy. What do you do when all the relatives want to meet and greet your new little bundle? They pass her around like a football and kiss her little face? What do you do when it’s time for that holiday dinner and your little sweetie thinks it’s time for a cry? So many questions, but where are the answers?

Here are some tips to make the holidays full of happiness and good cheer:

• If you are traveling on a plane, feed your baby while the plane is taking off and landing. This keeps the Eustachian tubes open so her ears won’t hurt. Remember to take a change of clothes for yourself on the plane. There is nothing worse than meeting the family wearing strained carrots even if orange is your color!
• If you are staying in a hotel, bring along the lullaby CD that you for your baby at home. Most hotels have CD players or you can request one. There is nothing more comforting than the sounds of home.
• Call ahead and see how many people are going to be at the gathering. If it is not going to be comfortable for you and your baby, you can make the choice not to go.
• Before you leave home for that visit to a relative’s house, set a time limit for your stay with your husband. Have a signal between the two of you when it is time to make a graceful exit
• If you are going to be at the gathering for any length of time, make sure your baby is dressed in a comfortable outfit. While those frilly dresses with matching headbands and miniature Doc Martens look adorable, after awhile, they can get hot and itchy.
• If your baby is on a napping schedule, plan the visit for after naptime. There is nothing worse than Aunt Fannie trying to hold and play with a tired, cranky baby!
• Try to feed your baby before arriving for a holiday visit. A full tummy makes a happy baby!
• If you are having the holiday celebration at your home, hire a caregiver to help you with the baby. Or hire a caterer to help you with the food and festivities. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. It is okay if you can’t do it all.
• If you don’t want your baby passed around, put her in the bouncy seat or stroller.
• If your baby starts to cry while Aunt Judy is holding her, gently take her. Try not to get upset or the baby will sense your tension and continue to cry.
• If you arrive at the celebration and your baby starts crying, immediately take her outside to calm her down. Even though well-meaning relatives think they know how to do it better, there is nothing more comforting than mommy or daddy’s arms.

The holidays are a time for sharing. The above tips will help you and your new family have wonderful celebrations full of smiles, laughter and Happy Holidays!

© Blythe Lipman 2007

Charity: a benevolent goodwill or love toward humanity as defined by Merriam-Webster dictionary.

Appreciation: an expression of gratitude and admiration as defined by Merriam-Webster dictionary.

The holidays are approaching faster than ever. The jack-o-lantern is barely put away and the holiday music is playing in every store. The second you turn on the television there is a commercial showing the newest and greatest toys. Everywhere you look…things, things and more things to buy. Parents are the perfect target for all this advertising. You want your children to be happy. You want them to have the newest and the best of the season. And you want to be able to tell your friends about it! But is this really what our holiday celebrations should be about?

I don’t think so…… Holidays are about families. The wonderful get-togethers with the familiar smells of turkey, stuffing, potato latkes and jelly donuts. Oohing and Ahhing over the new baby and the grown up toddler. Enjoying each other, reminiscing, telling stories, laughing, sometimes crying but just sharing your love while creating wonderful memories.

These days our fast paced world is filled with so many things to buy and so many ways to spend money, especially during the holidays. This year, let’s try and remember that charity and appreciation starts at home.

The following suggestions will not only make your heart smile but warm the hearts of whomever you touch.

• Smile when you pick up your baby…it’s contagious.
• Get down to your toddler’s eye level when teaching him something new.
• Smile when you answer the phone, the caller will hear it in your voice.
• Welcome grandma with open arms when she wants to help you with the baby. And don’t forget to say thank you, I really appreciate you.
• Welcome Grandpa with open arms when he wants to take your toddler to the park. And don’t forget to say thank you, I really appreciate you.
• If you have a million things to do and you can’t get your toddler to nap, ask him to help you. Then tell him he is such a big help and how much you love him.
• When your baby just won’t stop crying, let daddy take him for a walk. Then tell him he’s a great Dad!
• Talk to your older toddler about children that are less fortunate. Then ask him to pick out a toy to donate.
• Visit the Pet Store with your children and show them how to donate some dog or cat food to the Humane Society.
• Ask your toddler to draw a special thank-you picture for his teacher or caregiver and include a personal note of appreciation from all of you. There is not a better gift.
• Don’t forget to write a personal appreciation note to your pediatrician and staff for making your life a little less scary!
• Don’t just put your baby’s outgrown clothes in a bag in the garage, donate them to another family member with a baby or to a charity.
• Don’t forget to put copies of family pictures in your children’s rooms. This is a very loving way to show them that you will always be there.
• If your baby is very young, tape a picture of the family on the crib or wall where your baby can see it.
• When your toddler is sitting at the table coloring, color with him. Your time is more valuable than any toy you could buy.
• When you are getting the house ready for the holidays, put on some music, place your baby in the front-pack and dance away. Makes tidying much more fun!
• During the holidays when giving gifts to the mailman, hairdresser, newspaper delivery person, etc, be sure to include a personal note of thanks for making your life much easier.
• When you are at the grocery store, pick up some extra food to donate. The food banks always run low this time of year.
• Call your parents and in-laws and tell them they are the best grandparents and parents in the world!
• When your husband comes home from work, tell him what a great husband and father he is and how much you appreciate him.
• And don’t forget to appreciate and honor yourself.
• At the end of each day, think of three things you are thankful for and feel the gratitude. Life can be grand and it doesn’t have to cost a penny!